Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Thank You, Dear: A Word About Trolls, From A Whore

 


Yesterday before I posted THIS, I received a love letter. Not just a note of sweet adoration, mind you, a REAL kind of love letter. My heart skipped a beat when I read the subject: Hey, Fat Ass. Ohhhhhh could this be for me? Please say it is so! I hope this wasn't sent by mistake, I thought. I adore love letters like this so much that I thought I would share a few of the more affectionate little tid bits. The rest I will keep for myself, for when I am alone in my room with my thoughts......wink wink.

As I scanned the message in excitement, I immediately was drawn to a few choice words. I wanted to gauge the level of adoration that my secret admirer had for me, after all.

TRIGGER WARNING: LANGUAGE USED IS EXTREMELY DISTURBING AND BY TYPING WHAT WAS DIRECTED TOWARDS ME AND MY FAMILY IN NO WAY INDICATES MY PERSONAL ETHICS



"pathetic"
"worthless piece of flesh"
"pathetic"
"nasty"
"vagina"
"white trash"
"fat, pale ass"
"down syndrome fucking reject"
"disgusting"
"smelly vagina"
"abortion"
"your last one should have died"
"disgusting pig"

and my personal favorite....... "WHORE"
 
You Want To Take Off Your Shirt



Okay, now that I had all the keywords in mind, I could thoroughly enjoy the fullness, and richness of my sweet love letter. I am not a gal that likes to be surprised and my anticipation gets the best of me, ya know.

As I read the letter and re read the letter and analyzed every word to make sure my secret lover was not anticipating a meet and greet of some sort (dude, I haven't shaved my legs in days) I became immediately bored. Yes, yes, I know my sweetie was expecting a direct response of some sort, but to put it quite frankly, my well had run dry. IfyaknowwhatImean

I mean, aside from the fascination with my vagina and the endless questions that I have clearly addressed on several social media platforms, oh, and the whole "dead baby" thing, I was just not impressed.

I have heard this all before. At least 3 times a month I am sent a sweet comment from an admirer. Now, you may be upset, saying to yourself "HOW CAN THIS BE WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE" and my response is, "The Internet". See, the Internet is full of Keyboard Warriors. Some just want to razzle dazzle your day with a song and dance, but some, take the time out of their lives, to truly focus on matters of their heart, because they see you as important, and very worth their time. They crave the attention you have, and they want that same attention, coming directly from you. This is some real world shit I am talking about and can easily be related to other areas of your life, not just the Internet, so you might want to go back and start taking notes. LOOK ALIVE BITCHES I AM ONLY SAYING THIS ONCE.

Now, before I give any more attention to my disappointing lover of yesterday, I want to talk more about the prior experiences. I have been called a whore, an endless amount of times. It is always a foreplay of sorts, being called a whore. And the word "whore" itself is without a doubt the most endearing compliment. Most people hear it and assume it means that it implies sexual promiscuity. But that can't possibly be true, because the people that have called me whore, I have never had sex with, and if I haven't had sex with you, how would you know I am sexually promiscuous? I mean, we are all adults here, and assumptions are at the high school level, am I right? Okay, so it is true that I have 5 kids and that indicates that I have had sex at least 5 times. If that is the reason for assuming I am "sexually promiscuous" then I am going ascertain that you are 12. And you shouldn't be reading my blog, didn't you read the little consent box when you opened this?  Being called a whore most often leads to an anti climactic "you have too many kids" and leaves me with a case of blue balls and cotton mouth. I am a mouth breather, don't judge me. I GET IT I HAVE A LOT OF KIDS AND I HAVE HAD SEX. ALL THE LUCKY PEOPLE DO. Also I have been called an attention whore. Now, I don't understand quite yet, the reasons for ever calling someone an attention whore, when what you really mean is "getting more attention than you." In fact, it is kind of confusing to think about. Example: "Hey, I do not like this person getting attention so everyone listen to me and what I am saying because THEY are an attention whore, LOOK AT WHAT I AM TYPING WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU"
I believe if I were a real writer I would know the word for this, so for right now, I will call it an oxymoronomaly.

I have also been called fat before. 100 percent of the time it is online. Not that you should give a shit, but I am 5'1 and a size 8. My child like size comes in real handy when I am installing a car seat because I don't risk injuring my back when I can crouch over the seat quite easily while standing in the car. I am also the token person who has to sit middle bitch in between the driver and passenger seats. I do have a round face and am not a "thin" person, so most lovers and admirers just don't know. Because they have never met me. Weird, right. Being called "fat" isn't insulting to me at all, just an incorrect assumption. If I actually was fat, I would be even less amused. It's like saying "you have brown eyes" or "you have pale ass skin" ... Uh, thanks Captain Obvious for taking note of my physical appearance. Want to mention that I have elbows that bend?

As for being called other colorful, delightful things, and having a fascination with the state of my vagina, it all gets quite mundane. Redundant. Whatever, you guys you know what I mean.

What I do know, is that when I am sent these letters and comments of affection (or threads, ENTIRE THREADS, written by people I don't know and read my blog that they think is terrible LOOKING FOR SHIT TO SAY.. :::bows on one knee::: sweet Tom Cruise in Top Gun don't let me go back to that place in my mind where I wanna be mean, EVER again. I forgave, I forgave, I forgave.)
Where was I? Oh, yes. What I do know is that I have an effect on people. A REAL LIFE EFFECT. Sometimes it is truly outrageous, like when I am given notes of love, but most of the time, it is what fuels me to keep going. I am not trying to be famous. I started this because I just felt like writing. I wanted to share it with people who wanted to read it.
I found the people. Not The End, but kind of. I don't earn money from this. I might some day, but for right now I do this mostly for myself. And I decided a long time ago, that I was going to choose to be happy every day and this is a way for me to be happy.

"Make your anger so expensive, that no one could afford it and make your happiness so cheap that people can almost get it for free" - Unknown

Thank you, for allowing me to share my happiness and parts of my life with you. And Thank you sweet lovers, for noticing me and allowing me to have a place in your life as well. You lil sexy beasts.


For My Lovers xoxo




 

30 comments:

  1. What? You have bendy elbows? Well now you've gone entirely TOO far! How dare you?!?!

    BLAH BLAH BLAH (in shouty capitals so you know I mean business).



    Oh wait...I'm NOT a douche. I just love you. ;-)

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  2. I love this and your positive attitude. Good for you! My dad has always said, "Just shine on! When you don't like someone, it hurts you more than it hurts them."

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  3. 28 and have 5 kids doesn't make you a whore, just a slut who loves the dick.

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    1. Thank you lover for taking the time out of your day to comment my blog. Minutes of your life are mine and you will never get them back. I feel like this is such a prize. Your assumption would be true if I hadn't been married for 10 years, prior to my current relationship. You were so nice to comment though. Your comment will live forever more on my blog and I hope you value your place in this thread, as much as I do. Thank you my love.

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    2. Oh my God!! I die!! Love coming here and learning... Always something new right.... or wait maybe its all the same mundane letters and shit. Keep on being the lovely you that you are!!!!

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    3. I have 4 kids. Does that mean I can join the club? Or is it only if you have 5+? Don't leave me out! Can we get t-shirts? Like maybe a heart encompassing a certain part of the male anatomy? Just an idea...

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    4. I would buy a shirt that says, "I love the D and the P and the I before E except after C because...F-K you, that's why."

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  4. I know you have heard, and are going to hear, this a million times over. I rarely comment on anyone's blog I read, preferring to lurk in the background as a coward without the armor to protect myself from the arrows and bullets.

    Anyway, I would totally hit on you if i saw you. Well, not really. I would consider it and probably make it halfway, but then in the knick of time I would realize you are way out of my league, my heart would jump in my throat and I would head toward the restroom, pretending that was my intention all along.

    Yes, you're beautiful. But I would bet you have such infectious and authentic laughter that would draw me in as if it were a siren song. Because this has gotten creepy enough, this Keyboard Warrior will retire and contemplate deleting this comment on the off chance it is approved for publication.

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  5. I heart you!

    I always know I have won when people throw in the "You're fat" comment. It means they have nothing more important or crucial to insult than my appearance. And that they probably don't know me at all.

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  6. I usually feel that love notes like that come from people actually talking about themselves. Obviously the problem is theirs, not yours. I think you are beautiful and your minis are beautiful. Normal people don't go around trying to tear people down. You are awesome..

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  7. That was awesome. You rock! :)

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  8. I think you're pretty awesome. And what kind of sick fuck tells people their kids should have died?!! You are a far better woman than I, because I would probably be in jail after hunting them down. Seriously. Talk shit about me all you want, but leave my kids out of it! You and your kids are beautiful, and I personally love your blog. Keep doin what you're doin, mama. ♥

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  9. You made my ladyflower tingle.....(quietly humping your leg)

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  10. Sweet Tom Cruise in Top Gun... is COMPLETELY steal worthy. I think I might actually LOVE love you even more than I awkwardly manage to already by following your fbs.

    I am also totally using your anger/happiness quote as an affirmation in my own life as everything scary tends to end up as anger because it seems safer. But, I'm not the trolling type... well, unless you are talking treasure trolls which are the epitome of kickass-ishness. Don't judge, they're magic!

    Anyways, all random awesomeness aside, you are one of my favorite mom bloggers & I can only hope that I find & embrace my own unique sort of amazingness as you do. Thank you for sharing & being an inspiration.

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  11. What the hell is wrong with people!?!?! You rock girl and no one can change that! <3 you! :)

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  12. Haters are gonna hate...no matter what. Anyone can be an asshole, *yawn* booooring. Good thing nobody pays 'em to think. I adore you, Miss Humble. :D

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    1. That's right, the haters gonna hate..can't stop them from being freaky LOL. Love your Blog and your attitude.. don't ever do anything different.. Just keep it movin' <3 Have a great day !

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  13. You are one brave woman. I love your writing. Rock on.

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  14. Im a true fan of yours!

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  15. I heart you and your bendy elbows :)

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  16. Managing the haters oops lovers with humor is always the best path.

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  17. you kick so much ass, my lady. <3

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  18. I love how you handled this! <3

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  19. Why? I don't get it. What, about you, makes someone want to say those things? It's the devil....they need Jesus and probably Budda and every other deity out there. Girl, you keep on keeping on.....haters gonna hate, babe!

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  20. You know, if people put as much energy into actually doing shit that mattered, even a quarter of much as they do into being a f-ing waste of space, then the world, the entire world would be so much damntastically better. Why someone would take the time to write something so completely pointless, so utterly and totally useless, just seems so pathetically sad. That person, that person needs your pity, needs your sardonic sweet smile because that is all that they will get for devoting so much of their time to hating you for no reason. You are a human being. You are a smart, witty and good human being. Not that you need validation from strangers, but hey, I say what I think. Just on that premise alone, you deserve to be treated kindly and with respect. Novel idea, I know. YOU ARE NOT A SLUT or a WHORE. You are a woman. You are a mother. F**K anyone who thinks/says otherwise because those people just hate themselves. While I feel sorry for "those ppl" for the split second I realize that they are low functioning and incapable of realizing how ignorant and ridiculous they are, I cant, I wont waste my time thinking about it. As you obviously are not. Good. People who choose to be nasty, can stay secluded behind their computer screen doing nothing productive, adding nothing to world, sucking and sucking and sucking the misery into their own lives. I like your blog. I like your posts. I like that you are indeed Humble. Keep on keeping on and thanks for adding something positive to my day.

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  21. Oh Humble how I've missed reading your words. Quitting FB has been one of the most liberating things, but I've missed reading you. I'm glad I checked my subscriptions here and found you again. I love your attitude and your children are going to be as strong minded as you are. Keep up the good work, Love.

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  22. I adore you. I want to be a mini you. I wouldn't really be mini, as I am the same height, and many dress sizes larger oh and older, but I still really really wanna be mini humble...

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  23. This is one of the best responses to Internet trolls that I have ever read. I think you are awesome and witty and the fact that you have 5 kids only makes you cooler.

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  24. Please adopt me =) (and my 3 boys) <3

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  25. I hardly ever comment on anyone's blog anymore (even my own), but I have to today. I think you're one of the sweetest, funniest, realest, and coolest women out there - and I would be honored if you were my little sister (I would totally adopt you).

    Please know that you're NOT a whore (attention whore, can't-keep-your-legs-closed whore, or otherwise). You're a damn good mom, a damn good writer, a cutie, and you're funny as all get out. I can't find one thing not to like about you.

    The wind blows harder when you're at the top of the mountain, my friend. Stay strong and keep doin' work. :)

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