Yesterday before I posted THIS, I received a love letter. Not just a note of sweet adoration, mind you, a REAL kind of love letter. My heart skipped a beat when I read the subject: Hey, Fat Ass. Ohhhhhh could this be for me? Please say it is so! I hope this wasn't sent by mistake, I thought. I adore love letters like this so much that I thought I would share a few of the more affectionate little tid bits. The rest I will keep for myself, for when I am alone in my room with my thoughts......wink wink.
As I scanned the message in excitement, I immediately was drawn to a few choice words. I wanted to gauge the level of adoration that my secret admirer had for me, after all.
TRIGGER WARNING: LANGUAGE USED IS EXTREMELY DISTURBING AND BY TYPING WHAT WAS DIRECTED TOWARDS ME AND MY FAMILY IN NO WAY INDICATES MY PERSONAL ETHICS
"worthless piece of flesh"
"fat, pale ass"
"down syndrome fucking reject"
"your last one should have died"
and my personal favorite....... "WHORE"
|You Want To Take Off Your Shirt|
Okay, now that I had all the keywords in mind, I could thoroughly enjoy the fullness, and richness of my sweet love letter. I am not a gal that likes to be surprised and my anticipation gets the best of me, ya know.
As I read the letter and re read the letter and analyzed every word to make sure my secret lover was not anticipating a meet and greet of some sort (dude, I haven't shaved my legs in days) I became immediately bored. Yes, yes, I know my sweetie was expecting a direct response of some sort, but to put it quite frankly, my well had run dry. IfyaknowwhatImean
I mean, aside from the fascination with my vagina and the endless questions that I have clearly addressed on several social media platforms, oh, and the whole "dead baby" thing, I was just not impressed.
I have heard this all before. At least 3 times a month I am sent a sweet comment from an admirer. Now, you may be upset, saying to yourself "HOW CAN THIS BE WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE" and my response is, "The Internet". See, the Internet is full of Keyboard Warriors. Some just want to razzle dazzle your day with a song and dance, but some, take the time out of their lives, to truly focus on matters of their heart, because they see you as important, and very worth their time. They crave the attention you have, and they want that same attention, coming directly from you. This is some real world shit I am talking about and can easily be related to other areas of your life, not just the Internet, so you might want to go back and start taking notes. LOOK ALIVE BITCHES I AM ONLY SAYING THIS ONCE.
Now, before I give any more attention to my disappointing lover of yesterday, I want to talk more about the prior experiences. I have been called a whore, an endless amount of times. It is always a foreplay of sorts, being called a whore. And the word "whore" itself is without a doubt the most endearing compliment. Most people hear it and assume it means that it implies sexual promiscuity. But that can't possibly be true, because the people that have called me whore, I have never had sex with, and if I haven't had sex with you, how would you know I am sexually promiscuous? I mean, we are all adults here, and assumptions are at the high school level, am I right? Okay, so it is true that I have 5 kids and that indicates that I have had sex at least 5 times. If that is the reason for assuming I am "sexually promiscuous" then I am going ascertain that you are 12. And you shouldn't be reading my blog, didn't you read the little consent box when you opened this? Being called a whore most often leads to an anti climactic "you have too many kids" and leaves me with a case of blue balls and cotton mouth. I am a mouth breather, don't judge me. I GET IT I HAVE A LOT OF KIDS AND I HAVE HAD SEX. ALL THE LUCKY PEOPLE DO. Also I have been called an attention whore. Now, I don't understand quite yet, the reasons for ever calling someone an attention whore, when what you really mean is "getting more attention than you." In fact, it is kind of confusing to think about. Example: "Hey, I do not like this person getting attention so everyone listen to me and what I am saying because THEY are an attention whore, LOOK AT WHAT I AM TYPING WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU"
I believe if I were a real writer I would know the word for this, so for right now, I will call it an oxymoronomaly.
I have also been called fat before. 100 percent of the time it is online. Not that you should give a shit, but I am 5'1 and a size 8. My child like size comes in real handy when I am installing a car seat because I don't risk injuring my back when I can crouch over the seat quite easily while standing in the car. I am also the token person who has to sit middle bitch in between the driver and passenger seats. I do have a round face and am not a "thin" person, so most lovers and admirers just don't know. Because they have never met me. Weird, right. Being called "fat" isn't insulting to me at all, just an incorrect assumption. If I actually was fat, I would be even less amused. It's like saying "you have brown eyes" or "you have pale ass skin" ... Uh, thanks Captain Obvious for taking note of my physical appearance. Want to mention that I have elbows that bend?
As for being called other colorful, delightful things, and having a fascination with the state of my vagina, it all gets quite mundane. Redundant. Whatever, you guys you know what I mean.
What I do know, is that when I am sent these letters and comments of affection (or threads, ENTIRE THREADS, written by people I don't know and read my blog that they think is terrible LOOKING FOR SHIT TO SAY.. :::bows on one knee::: sweet Tom Cruise in Top Gun don't let me go back to that place in my mind where I wanna be mean, EVER again. I forgave, I forgave, I forgave.)
Where was I? Oh, yes. What I do know is that I have an effect on people. A REAL LIFE EFFECT. Sometimes it is truly outrageous, like when I am given notes of love, but most of the time, it is what fuels me to keep going. I am not trying to be famous. I started this because I just felt like writing. I wanted to share it with people who wanted to read it.
I found the people. Not The End, but kind of. I don't earn money from this. I might some day, but for right now I do this mostly for myself. And I decided a long time ago, that I was going to choose to be happy every day and this is a way for me to be happy.
"Make your anger so expensive, that no one could afford it and make your happiness so cheap that people can almost get it for free" - Unknown
Thank you, for allowing me to share my happiness and parts of my life with you. And Thank you sweet lovers, for noticing me and allowing me to have a place in your life as well. You lil sexy beasts.
For My Lovers xoxo