I have been reminded at least 40 times in the past few weeks exactly how much longer until school is out. At first it was like "Mama, there is exactly 63 days until school is out." And in reality I heard, "Mama, you are going to lose your shit in exactly 63 days" and my response was "What? Why? I love my brain in my head, and I don't wanna die!" and they were all, "Mama I don't know what you just said." because all that was really coming out of my mouth was "hjsshjbdhxbfxfc whaaaa jhdhddhddhgurrgee brains"
Then a few times I heard "Mama, there is 3 weeks left of school" and I was like, "yea prove it, you said that 5 times last week" but really I was thinking "Maybe Jesus could come back and spare me this occurrence, I mean the rapture doesn't sound so bad, maybe they got the wording confused and they meant Raptors. I could totally fight Raptors, I've seen I Am Legend like 73 times"
And then yesterday I was told there would be an Open House at school this week.
And reality set in.
If there is one clear sign of an impending apocalypse, it is Open House. Open House. Where you go to see all the wonderful things children have been working on through out the year, and be absolutely amazed that more has happened during the 6 hours they spend there aside from "I played at recess and I put my own head in the toilet" (true story)
While the teachers are all whistling while they work because Open House to them means, "SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS ERRRYYBODY" (I mean if I was a teacher, that would be my anthem at the end of the school year. Let's be real.)
I am sitting my ass on the couch gnawing my finger nails and searching things on Pinterest that I have been in denial about since last September.
Like "Summer Activities", "Crafts that won't make a mess", "Not losing your shit in 16 days", "Raptor Facts", etc.
So far I have jotted some notes on how to make a routine for kids, and also learned that Raptors are actually the size of large chickens and they don't hunt in packs.
It occurred to me a couple of weeks ago that school nowadays just isn't suited for big families. I have about 5 hours every day to acknowledge the school day, monitor and break up fights (they call it "playing outside") that come with the aggravation of listening and following rules and test test tests for 6 hours, then make dinner, chores chores chores, laundry, homework, showers/baths, and getting prepared for the following school day. With 4 kids and a baby, this is a lot to conquer in 5 hours. Truth be told, they are up until 9 or 10 most nights of the week because we got distracted by having a lengthy dinner where we actually enjoyed each others company, and because they have so much to say to me, and they take turns sitting on my lap having "My Mom ONLY' time. With all the homework and reading they have to do, having actual family time is hard to come by. So sue me if we are up a little late playing with the baby and talking about if we would be a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff. I mean, that's important shit.
So, Summer, really, isn't all bad.
I look forward to blowing up some 2 liters with a pack of Mentos, and also covering the slip and slide with whipped cream.
Talking to my kids without worrying about what we should really be doing.
Reading stories not because they are going to take a test on it, but because it is fun.
And having it be perfectly acceptable to skip a shower for the day, because running in sprinklers totally counts as bathing.
But just in case, I am keeping the BB gun close to me.
You just never know.