Thursday, September 20, 2012

Humble's Midnight Review of The Katy Perry Movie

On Tuesday I bought The Katy Perry Movie.....more specifically Part of Me: The Katy Perry Movie.

We missed out on the actual Katy Perry 3D IMAX version, so I was pretty thankful I had "liked" Katy Perry on Facebook, because I learned the movie had come out on DVD right when I woke up and saw it in my feed. Why had I "liked" Katy Perry on Facebook is a mystery to me, because I was not even really a fan, except for she has a few songs that I know by heart because you know....that goddamn Katy and her catchy ass beats. Oh, and I like the fact that she dresses like a glittery pink cotton candy infused disco ball and can shoot whipped cream out of her tits. And seriously, what's not awesome about that?

It's just that I am (still) a Lady Gaga fan, through and through, and am wary of any other girls trying to copy cat the whole "I am just a fucked up weirdo who is also talented" shtick. Plus, I just like Lady Gaga's ass better than I like Katy's boobs. I am but a simple fan to please. I got the Katy Perry movie, mostly because I am sick and tired of that Justin Beiber movie that my girls are playing out, and Katy Perry is kind of wholesome, unlike Lady Gaga. If Lady Gaga made a rise to fame movie I am pretty sure it would be the equivalent of that whole weird book that Madonna made, and was banned by most religions and humane society groups. Whereas the Katy Perry movie looked like it was just silly and fun, like maybe she could pass off her spinning lollipop boobs as something cutesy and non sexy, even though you and I both know she was insinuating something....delicious candy breasts??  Who knows, certainly not the children! Oh, and because I heard from the grapevine that the fall out between her and Russel Brand was in it. And I am the nosiest bozo you've ever met.

So here is how my viewing of Katy Perry went down:

Where is her boobs? I've been watching this for 5 minutes and this is lagging.

Okay she looks like a normal girl off the street right here. You mean she really doesn't have all that hair? It's a wig? I shall log that into my "celebrities might be normal" think tank.

She wasn't famous 6 years ago. Interesting. She is also my age.
That's not weird.

She is not that great of a dancer....but I think she knows it because everyone is dancing around her. Points to Gaga.

She is a better singer than Britney...not hard to do...but she gets some points back.

She seems kind of normal. She has had the same friends for years. She loves her grandma.
She works hard. I get it. Get to the good stuff.... ahhh Russel Brand...there you are.

Wait. What. She's crying. Like, human tears. Not the "I will just wipe it away and carry on" kind of shit. Ohmyfucking....she's a WRECK. She is dry heaving. And she is going on stage?! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT THE FANS WILL UNDERSTAND!!

Now I am going to stop right here, because clearly, I am getting re emotional over this emotional bit and I was pretty teary eyed the first 5 times I saw the movie. Yes the kids have watched it all in all 50 times. Mostly because she has a cat mascot named Kitty Purry, and she has fantastical outfits and sings and all that girly stuff.

In wrapping it up, if your looking to see Katy's ta ta's....this is probably not the movie for you. Check out her Maxim spread...I think she did some lingerie shots from a year ago.
If you are interested in seeing a normal girl with big dreams, work her ass off to make it happen and then watch her be devastated for like 10 minutes, bounce back on her feet and keep her truck truckin along, slinging out not very good lyrics but having a grand time being her crazy ass self and showing gratitude for all the amazing people that make her life possible.This is the movie for you.

It was definitely the movie for me.

Plus I learned there is a place somewhere in Japan that you basically pay to visit a house that is decorated ridiculously cutesy anime-ish and it is full of cats. Katy had a tea party. WITH CATS.
For reals.

1 comment:

  1. LOL! loved it. i have been skeptical about watching this movie because i am not a huge katy perry fan either. butttt if you liked it, i probably will also.