Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Part 2 Humble and Compassionate: Love the one you're with

This is part 2 of the Humble and Compassionate Series
to read Part 1 click here

Since the last post in the series I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of googling researching about compassion, ego, and how to live more compassionately. It is not often that I have time to sit and really get to the bottom of how I feel about things I have read, how I relate them to my own life, and basically, figure out who I am. It is mostly done on drives to the store, sitting at the laundry mat, and in the shower. These precious moments that I have to reflect on my life, who I am, where I am going, are my brain savers. I would say "life saver" but seriously, I would keep living even if I didn't have the time to sit and think. But my brain would be pissed. I can't be me and who I want to be, if my brain is pissed. That is a fact. And my children, family, friends, and dare I say, THE WORLD, needs me to be me. As much as everyone needs you to be you.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that I know everything about everything, in fact, I am the first to admit that I don't. When I was in school I was the kid that raised their hand constantly to clarify something that was read, to say "hey I don't get this" and to admit that I really wasn't paying attention. Most teachers never liked me because I slowed them down. A few appreciated my honesty and valued my work when I could remember to turn things in.
The point of this disclaimer paragraph is to keep in mind that I KNOW I do not know everything. Check the name badge, essay.

Compassion is well, a passion of mine. It is the one thing of the few things I can do that doesn't cost money and since I am usually broke, it is a way that I can keep my ass in check without doing much of anything. No exercise videos, hair dye, copious amounts of sunscreen, and nice bed sheets, can do more for you, than what compassion does. True story. While I was sitting and thinkin about compassion and kindness, I realized that the root of being compassionate starts with me. Let's turn that around. The root of being compassionate, starts with you.

It starts with you and how you feel about you. Enter Dr. Seuss.
It starts with how compassionate you are to yourself. Yep..:::shines nails on collar:::

 Imagine a snotty bitch who hates herself and is jealous, with low self esteem, who never feels deserving of all that she has, smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, and who often compares herself to others, and sometimes in a not nice way. That's me.
Now imagine, a likeable person, who tries to see the good in everyone, appreciates all she has and knows she is special, just as much as everyone else. She knows she is not perfect, but she is adequate. And she is happy. That's me too.

The Snotty Bitch and the Humble, duke it out every once in awhile. And so far, Humble has always been the victor. But that doesn't mean Snotty Bitch doesn't put me in a choke hold every so often. Most often it is a moment. Sometimes it is a whole after noon. But it is almost always a daily slap in the face from Snotty Bitch. Since I am an expert on my own personal mental illness hell (not your mental illness...just mine) I have learned some things about myself and how I operate and how I can stop Snotty Bitch from stealing all of my thoughts.

The biggest thing I have learned is what I call "The Big House Syndrome"
See, I live in a little house with a lot of people. Sometimes it really sucks because we are in each other's face all the dang time. There isn't enough room for storage. There is not a lot of places to go for privacy or personal time. And I sometimes wish I had a bigger house. The problem is, I can not afford to move. The area I live in is exactly where I want to be, and I pay really cheap rent in comparison to the actual housing costs in my area. Now when I go to other people's houses, I sometimes have a twinge of jealousy.
I wish I had a 3rd bedroom. These people have NO idea how lucky they are. Half of my life's problems would be solved if I had a house like this. In fact if I had a house like this, I could probably shit out another kid or two, THERE IS SO MUCH ROOM IN HERE!
But here is the thing, I said that about houses like the one I live in, when I was living in a 2 bedroom apartment.
I said the same thing about people's 2 bedroom apartment, when I was living in one room with 4 people.
So really, I just have accepted that it is not "my time" to have a big ass house, or a medium ass house, and that even if I did have a big house, once I got there, I would still be jealous of people who had bigger houses than mine. Enter Big House Syndrome. So I should just accept it and not pay any more attention to it, because Snotty Bitch will come along and soon be telling me that I don't have a big house because I am a loser. And I am not about to even start with her bitch ass.

Big House Syndrome happens not with just big houses, sadly, it can be a comparison of anything you wish you had vs. what you actually have. It can start off as a slight twinge of envy, and soon fuel your self criticism. It often takes no time at all for my observation of someone who  has something I admire, for me to turn it into feeling ugly about myself and not appreciating the things I do have. Self Compassion is hard work. Letting go of my ego? Even harder.

I am not my house. My house is just where I keep the shit I own. My home is not my house, my home resides in the people I love the most.
I am not my body, in fact, a body is just a vessel for living. No big deal. How I look can either be changed with a lot of working out, or plastic surgery. How I feel about my body and how I talk to myself when I get out of the shower, those can't be altered by anyone but me. Guess which path is easier?
My children are not me. They are their own person and I am their guide. I won't berate myself for  the mistakes they make. I won't feel like a shitty parent when they mess up or struggle.
The things I own and don't own, are not me.
The bad choices I have made, are not me.
The people in my life, are not me. They are their own person, their own journey and their own vessel. They make mistakes, they make me happy, they are all deserving of being loved, just as much as I am.

Getting to the root of compassion starts with you because if you are not compassionate and forgiving to yourself, how in the hell do you expect to give that to anyone else?
I know, I know, easier said than done, right?
Well guess what? It is never done.
That's why the Dalai Lama is still the Dalai Lama and not some guy who was like "well looks like my work is done here, time to get some real clothes and be on my merry way!"
It is something I think everyone has to work on. Be a little nicer to yourself. Be more appreciative of things you have, and who you are. The more respect you have for yourself, the more you can give to the people you love, and dare I say, THE WORLD.
And giving love, showing kindness, and making a positive impression while you are here on Earth, isn't that what it's all about?

"You must love yourself, before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy"
~Author Unknown


  1. This was very much needed. True and well written with a twist of Humble humor. Thank you:) Happy thoughts sent your way!

  2. First, fuck Facebook! I went to reread your Jedi series (which I do every few months to keep me aware of what can happen and how to believe and have faith that you CAN survive it) and then I was caught up in your writing, and good thing too, because I would never have seen it or a link to it on FB!! I try to stay on top of the folks on FB that I follow, but sometimes days go by without a chance to read even one post, and I miss things. I am so glad I didn't miss this!! The things you tackle are so important, and timely, and you write in such a way that the message is clear, without bashing people over the head! I have such admiration for you-you are truly a gifted writer! What I want to know is, how did you get so smart?!? You are so young, yet you have the wisdom of years in you!! You must have come from a wonderful family to have this knowledge, or maybe because you didn't have the best childhood, and you overcame it. All I know is, you are too wise for someone so young, and you have mad writing skills!! And in the month dedicated to thankfulness, I just wanted to let you know how thankful I am to have found you and your words!!