Friday, February 15, 2013

I was going to write something super amazing, but instead I did this.

This is me right now. Whining and facial time.
You like it. Don't deny!
One year ago, okay, over a year ago, when I set out to jot my ideas down for all of cyber space to see, I never thought I would be where I am now. I am not tootin my own horn, and no, I don't think "I'm the fliest bitch on the net!", but I do know I am awesomely grateful for the people I have met, the friends I have made, and for the people who do in fact think I am pretty fly. A month ago, A WHOLE MONTH AGO, is when I posted that I would be pulling back from my Facebook page, and concentrate more on what you are reading right now. And somewhere between then and now, I panicked. Sometimes I just want to be heard, RIGHT NOW, and so it goes that I post a status and I receive instant gratification. My need for being heard is sometimes more or less equal to my need to just say something. Whether it be funny, insightful, or completely obscene. It's like an itch that begs to be scratched. Or picked. Or chewed. You get it.


But something even worse happened in the last 4 weeks since my last post. Something I didn't plan for and thought I was strong enough to handle. I started caring about what people thought. Sure, some people have told me I am an idiot for not knowing 1,001 grammar rules, some people have said that I am actually not funny, or even very humble. But those are not promises I ever made, so I just brushed it off. If you go to my about section, I never call myself any of those things, and it's not really my problem what people assume when they first get to know me vs. how I really am.


The truth is, you don't know me. You know things I have told you about me. You see how I interact with people, read the words I write, and make a judgement. And since what I write is truthful, and no different than how I would talk to my friends, you can bet I am in reality a lot of those things I have led you to believe.
There is a reason my page is called "Slice of Humble" though. It is impossible for anyone on the Internet or even in my real life to know me 100 percent. And the folks that are pretty damn close (and they know who they are) know exactly what I am talking about.


So about that panicking over something that happened? What happened? Well, I kind of started noticing that I am getting over 500 likes a month (maybe more, I just got 500 in the past 4 days) and I have started being considerate about the things I am saying and sharing. Every once in awhile someones comment will sting. Not because I believe it to be true, but because I just stopped to check my phone for 5 minutes right after I yelled at my kids to please clean up the fucking living room so help me Tom Cruise I did not make this mess!! And the comment catches me off guard and I for just a second I want to just say "Oh fuck you" and throw my phone right out the window. But instead, I keep my cool, I respond as nicely as I possibly can (I don't want no bitch face hand slap over some random fool on the Internet, thankyouverymuch) and then go back to picking up my scratched CD's the baby has boomeranged across the kitchen. And then someone will say "Maybe if you are going to have a page or a blog, you shouldn't be so sensitive" Oh I am sorry, was I supposed to turn into a robot devoid of all emotions so I can entertain you? Wait just a second, I never did this to entertain ANYONE. I did it to entertain myself, and I happen to love it, maybe not all of it, but for the most part everyone is AMAZING and I am a lucky lady to even have been given the opportunity to connect with people and speak my mind.


So about the panicky part? I didn't know what to write, I want to make you laugh, I want to make myself laugh, and I want to learn and grow through all of this. That's all. For a whole month, I lost sight of that. I got scared. I do that sometimes too, ya know? I feel it when people say tongue in cheek things about how I am getting so popular, and when people tell me they admire me, or that they want to know more and more and more about me. Well, that's all really sweet, but I sometimes just don't know what to give. I overthink shit, I get social anxiety and then I get in over my head. But I am learning. Hell, this whole post is pretty damn therapeutic. I just want you to know, I am over my panicky frozen state. I have thought long and hard about it, and even if this isn't where I imagined I would be, this is where I want to be. What can I say? I am a humble little whiny bitch.(sometimes)

And I am happy, so happy, that you are here. Hang out with me for awhile if you please.

Xoxo Humble



28 comments:

  1. Thank you for this! I just had some very similar feelings tonight myself. I feel such a sense of relief to know I'm not alone, even if I don't know you beyond being a fellow human being. I've loved reading you on FB during my day. I like your style.

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  2. Hang out? Yes. Make out? Hell yes.

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    1. Come a little closer....tilt your head...

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  3. I'm so happy that you've decided to keep being as"you" as the interwebs will allow you to be! You are fun!

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  4. I love everything about you that you share with us! I've said so many times before, I relate to your life more than any of my other bloggers & you help me get through days because there is someone else out there that has the same struggles & feelings as I do. Someone else get's it!!
    You have now both scared me (I am super sensitive) & inspired me to just start writing & blogging. I have been saying it for 2 years now, but haven't done anything yet..I really don't know how you do it with a litter of 5, when mine is only 3 & I can't find a moment to sit down & I don't even have a toddler anymore. I love you, we love you & thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us!

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  5. I really like all things that you say! I'm sure you hear this a lot but you remind a lot of myself. I am a cursing, crazy overthinking, inappropriate, passionate mom to 3 GIRLS. It can be very hard for me to relate to other mothers because of this. I find a lot of women probably used to be cool before they had kids and all of a sudden found themselves uptight and hypercritical. What's the big deal with cursing?! Your my people is what I'm saying and I dig you. Keep saying what's on your mind!

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  6. The reason people are so drawn to you is because you're you. You've earned your stripes - you could blog the alphabet and we'd gladly read. Happy you're thawed out and un-panicky.

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  7. Everyday is an evolution. Some of the biggest realizations come to us in times of uncertainty. Your page and blog are the fucking shit, and to me, you're all kinds of good. I'm privileged to get a peek, thank you.

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  8. Please don't let us get you down. You are an amazing person and a wonderful mother & thank you for sharing your life with us. Keep up the great work. P.S. As a mother I also want to thank you for "so help me Tom Cruise" I am definitely stealing that one!

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  9. One of the hardest life lessons (being the people pleaser I am) is that it's none of my freaking business what anyone thinks of me. That includes people who want to get up in my grill and tell me just what THEY think. Pfftt, if I want to know what you think, I'll ask. Otherwise it's fingers in ears, eyes closed, chanting lalalalala (hope you get the visual, it's kinda funny coming from a 58 y/o grandmother) There's only one Ms Humble in the world (ok, universe)and for you to be anything else would be short-changing yourself and the people who have the pleasure of "knowing" you. So Ms Humble, you keep writing YOUR words and if someone gets in your craw (yea, I'm a southern bitch) just repeat after me "lalalalalala" Keep on keeping on and keeping it real. That's why your TRUE humblers follow you. You da Boss. Peace out

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  10. I hate people that feel the need to yell at a blogger. If you don't like what's written, don't follow the blog (or the Facebook page, as the case may be). I think you're awesome and not being yourself would be a shame. I have laughed out loud far too many times from your posts to see that go.

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  11. I <3 your writings! Keep it up and I will make all the evil people zip it up ;)

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  12. Thank you for this. I'm new to the "scene" and have come across other bloggers getting hated on and that kind of stuff worries me. Thank you for being brave enough to continue being yourself, for sharing with everyone that your humanity shines through whether they want to see it or not. Isn't the whole reason people read/write blogs is to feel connected in some way? Well, that's what I thought it was for, guess I'll figure it out eventually. In the meantime, I'll read what you have to say cuz I love your style, I love your humor but mostly, I love your honesty :P

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    1. Thank you! It has been quite a ride. Enjoy it! (or try...trying counts too)

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  13. This. So much this. Love you, honey

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  14. I sometimes think I don't get many fans because I"m too "fair." Either way, you can't win. I do know that the minute you say "This is how it worked for me, it should work for you, too" you'll get a hundred people telling you that's a bunch of crap. So yeah, just keep doing what you're doing. Some people are just NEVER happy and think they can control what YOU talk about on YOUR page. Seriously?!? Glad you're back. ;) (Oh and I love the face mask)

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  15. Yay! Fuck the naysayers! What kind of mask are you wearing? My pores are huge.

    eye-of-arms.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh it's some stuff I got at Walgreens. It works really well, I left it on for a bit too long and had to almost get a knife to remove it, so I suggest NOT leaving it on too long.
      http://www.amazon.com/Eclos-Skin-Renewal-Clay-Ounce/dp/B006W7RVLQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362175529&sr=8-1&keywords=eclos+skin+renewal+clay+mask

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  16. "Close your eyes and get quiet for a minute, until the chatter starts up. Then isolate one of the voices and imagine the person speaking as a mouse. Pick it up by the tail and drop it into a mason jar. Then isolate another voice, pick it up by the tail, drop it in the jar. And so on. Drop in any high-maintenance parental units, drop in any contractors, lawyers, colleagues, children, anyone who is
    whining in your head. Then put the lid on, and watch all these mouse people clawing at the glass, jabbering away, trying to make you feel like shit because you won't do what they want -- won't give them more money, won't be more successful, won't see them more often. Then imagine that there is a volumecontrol button on the bottle. Turn it all the way up for a minute, and listen to the stream of angry, neglected, guiltmongering voices. Then turn it all the way down and watch the frantic mice lunge at the glass, trying to get to you. Leave
    it down, and get back to your shitty first draft."

    "A writer friend of mine suggests opening the jar and shooting them all in the head. But I think he's a little angry, and I'm sure nothing like this would ever occur to you." (from Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird
    (NY: Pantheon, 1994) pp.21-26)

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  17. I feel you..fo sho. I want to write for ME; so there exists a buffer between what I think and what I spring on unsuspecting others!

    Write on! You have such a gift!

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  18. I think Dr. Seuss said it best:
    “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

    just be you...

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  19. Dr. Seuss said it best: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

    Just be you...

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  20. I have never actually put a thoughtful comment out there on the stuff you write. I just don't have the time to do it. But I do think about it. And I find alot of what you say quite inspiring. I have 3 kids, love them to death but hey... I'm not wonder mom. I yell and cuss and probably freak them out sometimes but I love them and they love me. I find that alot of my life I spend so much time trying to be the leave it to beaver mom that I am not, but alot of others see me that way and then the door closes and I prop my overweight braless ass on the couch and bribe the 8 year old to bring me a soda so I don't have to walk ten feet to get it. Cause I'm tired sometimes. I find it exhausting to keep up appearances when all I really want to do is just be free with what I say and do and not be criticized for it. So in essence you are my escape from June Cleaver and a 100% real chick and I like that. You are more or less giving me the bravery to not be so fucking worried. Keep up the writing. I truly like the perspective! Oh... and Fuck them hookahs that have their head so far up their wishy washy ass that they can't appreciate the truth. And if they can't there is no law stating they have to keep looking...
    --

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