Onwards and Upwards

The following is a true story.

Recently, someone called me out on the Internet. On my own page (not my personal page..) and basically told me I was a dumb ass. Yep that's it in a nutshell. Oh and that I am a slanderous father hating bitch who feeds off of negative energy and points out other peoples flaws to make myself feel better.

What. the. fuck.

This is the horror I wrote

Now normally, I don't really care if people don't like me or what I say, and I don't get my feelings hurt too much. In fact I usually make this face and move on...

Someone doesn't like me on the Internet? Single. Tear.

But this time, it kind of actually sucked. Because this person is in blood relation to me. Now I have been an adult for some time now (i.e I don't own any red plastic cups) but it is still surprising to me how someone who has been an adult much longer than I, can stoop so low as to call me out and be basically MEAN TO ME, when they can just message me personally with a problem they have with me. Blasting it on a public forum, especially mentioning personal details about me and acting like an asshole is not only embarrassing for me but is a dick move. I mean, come on. I am going to see you in real life at some point in time, so don't pretend you can just be mean to me online and not own up to that to my face.

But all that aside, I am glad it happened...for one, I saw how awesomeballs my fans and friends are. No one got batshit crazy, everyone was calm. Even though I am sure a lot of you felt like this..

Fuck I know I did. And I was also able to clarify exactly what my page is about:

"I find things that I find amusing in my life and post them here on my fan page that is for those that are interested, to read. The point is that a lot of people can either relate or find humor in it. Like I... do. I don't post names, not even the real names of my kids here on this page. Not even my own name. The people that are interested in my wit and amusements are here not because they are forced. I don't go around asking for ppl to share my page or to pleaseplease like it for a reason. I'm not here to be liked. I'm here to laugh."

I do not take myself too seriously on the regs, but when I get responses like this one...

"not that you are in need of compliments but i would like to point out that you probably help more women than you realize. you are awesomely honest, crazy witty, fun, and what makes a lot of us realize that we aren't alone in what we go through. you are a beautiful person to so many people who don't even know you. you are a stress relief to us all and that's one reason why we all continue to stay here. it's unfortunate that people can't see and appreciate a beautiful person when they see one."

I am for once speechless. I am just silly me, trying to be cool and smile and laugh and go with it and other phrases that mean the same thing. And people actually enjoy it and tell me so. And if someone doesn't like it, for the record, it is okay. My mama told me when I was a little girl that some people in my life, were just not going to like me, no matter what I did or said. And that is their problem, not mine. And I like to sum it up even more with a favorite quote that I have said time and time again,

"Don't let other peoples shit become your shit"

I am not going to stop being optimistic, sarcastic, and laughing. I am still going to find the humor in a fucked up situation and share it with anyone who cares. I am going to let people know that I am weirdo, I don't know everything, sometimes I get my feelings hurt, and that mostly through it all, I move the fuck on. Onwards and upwards, sideways and in 4D real time with special effects and sparkles.

Besides where else can I show off my lightsaber skills?

People in my really real life are fed up with this bad assery.
Fyi.

  

                             Oh and by the way. This is my jam today.

                                                            
                                                   And every day.... xoxox Humble
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Word to my Mother

Sometimes I have no fucking idea what is going to come out of my mouth (or type from my fingers), but when it comes to things I have been thinking about for far too long and way too critically (I am a Virgo, yo) and so, I'm warning you now, this is one of those times.

     It all started a few weeks ago when Eldest and I were very lost at Wal Mart (well we weren't really lost, its just my mom drove us there and we lost her). We were wandering the aisles yelling for her and getting side tracked by Teen Bop and Allure magazines. While we were looking at the sweet dealios on Febreeze, we saw the Valentines Day section was being set up and off we went over and took a closer look, because if there is one thing that can get my mom, my Eldest and myself reconnected again it is a giant display of Twilight dark chocolates with scratch and sniff Edward stickers (I'm joking about the last part, stop having a heart attack and looking for your car keys, you sicko). While we were perusing this years selection of Valentines candy goodness, there was a couple who walked by. The girl said "Look babe, Valentines candy!!" and the dude said "Valentines Day? I don't celebrate that shit." Eldest and I turned and looked at each other with a "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" look on our faces and before I said anything, Eldest goes "oh yea I don't celebrate Valentines day because candy and love is so over rated, here, let me pee on puppies because I hate everything good in the world." I agreed with her and also thought she should start doing stand up or something and buy me a yacht or eyelash extensions. When we left the store (found my mom, who was nonchalantly in the baby section in the back of the store...not worried at all that we might have been offered crack or gotten our arms crushed from the blood pressure machine) I started thinking about that guys douchy mcdoucher attitude pertaining to Valentines day and after seeing all of these "Fuck Valentines Day" posts, pictures and statuses, I’ve come to the realization (and this is after weeks of thinking about it) I must be the only person who enjoys the FUCK out of Valentines Day.

Seriously.

      My name is Humble and I love Valentines Day. There, I officially said it. Not many of you would suspect this since I am not one to post motivational quotes or find a bunch of roses attractive unless they were to be tattooed on my arm. I find it mildly embarrassing to admit and the lot of you must think that I have never had a shitty valentines day and so I must not know what the hell I am talking about. So lemme splain.

      My very first Valentine was my mom. (Mom, this is the part where you go pee because your nervous and also get a box of kleenex.....okay welcome back mom!) And as far back as I can remember she has made sure that every Valentines Day I had a cute outfit to wear, a special breakfast, some candy and a card. This didn't stop in my youth, people.

      I had my first shitty Valentines Day when I was 14 years old and a boy I really really liked said he basically didn't want to talk to me any more, despite the fact that I was in love with him and he called me every day and everything was fine the day before. Except for he did mention he got some other girls phone number and said he was going to call her. To a 14 year old girl this is saying the same thing as, "Yea so, your going to cry for 24 hours and listen to that one song by Third Eye Blind and every time you hear it, even 20 years from now, you're going to think of me and want to stab me in the eye for being so thoughtless as to break it off on Valentines Day." Of course I didn't know what had been thrown at me that would affect me every time I heard that familiar strum of a guitar on the radio that still to this day I cant listen to without feeling a little stabby, I only knew at the time that LOVE SUCKED. It sucked so bad I never wanted any part of it ever again. My poor mother heard my sobbing through the doors and did what only a good mother would do. She called that motherfucker up and asked him what he did to her daughter to make her act like a belligerent fool and also gave him her piece of mind. I actually don't know what was said in the conversation, I was crying too loud to hear the story of what she said, and this is just what I tell myself. So although my 14 year old Valentines Day sucked, my mom still gave me a card, and a hug and told me she would always be my Valentine. Believe it or not mom, that made me feel a lot better.

      The following year I had a real boyfriend (who would be the future father to 4 of my kids and my husband) and she asked him what he was getting me for Valentines Day. In fact I'm pretty sure she called him and asked every time Valentines Day season hit to see what he had planned, (usually it was nothing) and she had a present for me regardless. She has always made it pretty clear that despite me being an adult or married or having a bazillion children, I am still her baby. So this whole Valentines Day thing comes with the territory of being her child. Many a Valentines Day I cried, miserable that the person who I was choosing to spend my whole life with could see a predetermined day of showing some type of acknowledgement as rather meaningless. Is it too much to ask for or at least expect SOMETHING on Valentines Day? I mean really. If you are with someone, EVERY DAY or at least EVERY OTHER DAY, you should feel loved and downright fucking special.

Despite having some seriously shitty V Days, even when I have had someone to spend it with, I was still pretty excited about the season every year. I have my kids, my parents, and well, that's all I could ever really ask for. I am fairly minimal when it comes to being romanced and at this point in my life I can’t tell if it’s from lowering my levels of expectation or if its just in my nature to always give more than I receive. Either way, I still love Valentines Day. Not because I have a boyfriend now who makes Valentines Day look like any other day of the year because he is buying me shit and telling me how fabulous and beautiful I am( I do have that kind of boyfriend now, for the win) And not because I am a hopeful romantic who sobs through the end of The Notebook or who gets some type of sentimental feeling from Blue Mountain cards at the book store. Because that wont ever be me. I like it because its just a sweet day to remind your loved ones, such as your family, friends, cat, guy that works at the check cashing place that you have a crush on, cute girl who you see every day and eyeballed you once when you were making coffee at the gas station, your actual spouse, etc., that you notice them and that you like them noticing you. Its very simple really.

     My mom’s standard of showering me with love and adoration is something I am passing on to my children until I am just too fucking old to get my nimble fingers to jot down a note of love for them at least once a year.  And if they should ever find themselves broken and sobbing that “Love sucks” I will do what my mother did for me (many..many..times) I will call that motherfucker up and ask him/her what the fuck their problem is.
I love you Mom.

From your lucky star.