Saturday, August 25, 2012

What Humble Did: Episode 2

 Since Facebook is being Facebook and I am like the Nell of technology and can't figure out what the hell the problem is and why my posts keep disappearing, I am going to just write this big ass post.

Why haven't I been as attentive on Facebook?
Life, people. LIFE. Real life things are happening.
And frankly there aren't enough Mr. Rogers cardigans in the world that can weather these situations. (FYI: I wear cardigans like how people wear work uniforms, you know, to put them in the mood for selling shit and being the boss of people)
So what big bad real life shit is happening? Let us do a breakdown.

Sprite started 4th grade, Han started 2nd. Everything went as planned, including the fact that I woke up at 6:30. OMG.
I thought I was in the clear with not getting back to school supplies, since what I had seen before was just a mediocre "Donation Wish List" Which to me, means, "Shit you can get later, when you feel like it." But NO. Sprite's class has this asinine list of shit to get, and being the good mother that I am, not wanting her to look like she has a bad mother or anything, I thought, "Oh I can just pick up this crap on the way home"

On the way home, turned into 3 different stores and me pulling my hair out for not being able to find a 3 pack of Avery glue sticks. Does the teacher own stock in Avery? Because everything was Avery versus, you know just a list of "3 glue sticks" "binder 1 1/2 inches" "thin tip dry erase markers"
No, that would be too fucking easy.
The child got sent to school with a 4 pack of Elmer's glue sticks, because this is America and we use Elmer's, so suck it.
Also on Monday, I got sucked into signing up Moo for KINDERGARTEN. The real kind. It is private, and somewhat affordable since her dad and I are going halfsies, and I can sell my ovaries to the highest bidder. I hear that it would send me into Menopause, but hot flashes and whiskers are a cool trade for having Moo go do stuff that doesn't require neighing like a horse every day for 4 hours.

Oh this day was bunk.
Had a doctor appt for Jedi and it turns out his insurance didn't actually switch his doctor and the insurance card they gave us was totally bogus because someone decided to not do their job and like not send us a card with that doctor's info until they actually switched the freaking doctor.

Also Moo had 4 shots, I told you this Kindergarten shit was real.


Stayed home in my pajamas, and basically drank coffee for 12 hours.
Waking up at 6:30 is kicking my ass.


3 kids dentist appointments. 2 of which had to be sedated. NO EATING AFTER 8 A.M.
Which meant I picked them up from school before lunch, confiscated a sandwich, a waffle, and a bowl of ice cream before I just gave up and said get in the car. On the way there, we got a flat tire. It was scary as fuck, with 5 kids in the car and being the adult that I am, I screamed. Eldest said my triple chinned face that was created by said screams should be on the back of milk cartons if kidnappers ever steal me.

We missed the appointment and everyone ate Taco Bell at my moms house while my dad worked his dad magic and put on a new tire.
I took a coma nap and woke up thinking we were late to school.


By now I would be drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade for breakfast, but since on account of me drinking them all during the week, I am shit out of luck and take shots of coffee. I briefly consider snorting some pixie stix to give me more oomph, but change my mind when I remember that I am my children's model of what an adult is supposed to be, and should one of them go to jail and be released and turn into a rapper, their mom snorting candy off her kitchen counter would definitely make it to the lyrics, and I just can't be Eminem's mom. Fuck.

I went to 2 places to get more shit for Moo's Kindergarten registration, and also took the kids to their school's Ice Cream Social, where I got to bitch with other parent's about how insanely tired we all were until Moo pissed her pants, and I decided it was time to drop them off at their dad's.

The End.

Here is what you need to know that is happening.
This is one of those things I tried to post but since Facebook was being Facebook, I am sharing it again.
Read more at Mary Tyler Mom
You will find the link to Donna's Cancer Story there, and also get to know and behold the wonderful Sheila, who is Donna's Superhero mama.

Self Worth Action Project
This is a project by my friend at Craughing
It is an awesome idea. What are you putting in your "self worth" bank? How important to you are you? (sounds like something from Dr. Seuss therefore you know it's good)

Also this week,

This happened.
Ezra's first meme.


  1. Anonymous8/25/2012

    Oh Humble, I know it is hard. So sorry. I have been a teacher for decades (3). I am adjusting to the difference of waking up whenever, savoring my coffee in the yard with my puppy, and doing whatever I want to all day to.. I work 11 hours a day, bring work home with me, and go work at school for a few hours on the weekends. It is hard for us all. And just think of the changes for the kids. They can't even go pee whenever they want to...ah's really a good thing.

  2. I hear you. Sometimes life really sucks it... hard. But you made it through the week and you lived to tell us about so that's a plus. Sorry to be one of those peppy upbeat people but otherwise I'd be sobbing in my underwear hiding behind the toilet and how would I explain that to my kids. Anyhoo, I always love hearing your take on life and there's nothing that defeats the smile your sweet Jedi's face puts on mine. Hope your weekend is going a little better (minus FB's annoying-ness). Now I'm back to stalking Issac and The bastard is heading my way and I'm slightly freaking about losing power...

  3. We start school next week and I just spent a majillion dollaz on all the cleaning products the classrooms require we bring in. They asked for I am a Kennedy. No, you get store brand anti-bac wipes and like it, mmmkay? Ermahgerd Erzrer ers ther certerst. Hang in there.

  4. You just can't make this shit up, Humble. And in spite of all the crazy shit that happens to you, somehow you manage to be snarky, cynical, and optimistic all at the same time. I don't know how you do it, but I love it.

  5. I feel ya. I have 5 kids myself and sometimes I want to hide in the closet. It's good to know there is someone else out there as bat shit crazy as me. Woo! We should start some club or something called, "Crazy ladies with 50 bazillion kids and aren't super religious". Meh, it may just be the coffee talking...

  6. I am DREADING the day I have to prepare my son (and I really mean myself more than him) for his first day of school. More motha truckin motherly power to you for doing it multiple times woman!

  7. I love you and although my kids don't start until Sept 5th...I do feel your pain...Try a 13 yr old who could work 3rd shift because he sleeps until 3 pm all the time. yeah, I have to wake his ass up at 6 am Wed.

    Thank Goodness the other kids SHOULD be a little easier. I hope. We will see.


  8. They changed the time school starts here and didn't tell anyone! So first day of school, we were late. That's okay though, so was everyone else! I suck at getting up early.