Friday, August 31, 2012

Ask Humble Anything: Questions about Humble 1.0

It is that time again! Kids are back in school which means I have time to devote to Ask Humble Anything... AHA is a weekly feature that I had originally  started on my Facebook page, where people could ask me any sort of question (relationship/shit advice, general life questions, parenting advice, more info about myself, and basically giving my opinion on anything) and I would answer it in an honest fashion, to the best of my abilities, and invite others to comment and so forth. Since my page is bigger now, and Facebook is Facebook and won't let my posts be as visible as I would like, I am changing it up and answering questions here on my blog. You are still invited to comment with your opinions (which I moderate because I am wary of asshole trolls) and as always, everything is confidential.
Also please recognize that these are my opinions and I am not an expert on anything, but if I googilize and find answers elsewhere I will let you know where I got the info from. Other than that, I cannot be held responsible for damaging your self esteem, relationships, children or crotches. Be smart and think for yourself, and take every opinion you see with a grain of salt because frankly, "Bitch, I don't know yo life!"

Questions about Humble

The first few questions I received were about me. People always want to know more, which I understand because people may not be all up on Facebook every single day and may miss minor details so how fucking happy am I to have these questions answered once and for all on my blog?
Yea right.
Someone will ask me these things again which I am now a-ok with because I have this here post to direct them to.
Dear Humble,
You have 5 kids and you are 27... is there twins somewhere in the family?
Are you Mormon or Catholic? Why do you not use birth control? Are you planning on having more?

Sincerely, Nosy Ass but Very Nice Humblers

Dear Nosy Ass Humblers,
My kids are mentioned on my page and my blog frequently, I do not use their real names because I don't even use my real name. I am not a character writer by any means, but I wanted to keep some things private.
Anywho... Eldest (girl) is 11 almost 12, Sprite (girl) is 9 almost 10, Han (boy) is 7, Moo (girl) is 5, and Jedi (boy) is 1. So in saying that, nope, no twins. I really did have them all one at a time. I am not Mormon, Catholic, Christian, or anything. I do use birth control. And I am also pro choice. Which means I had my kids not just because I happened to get pregnant. But because I wanted them in my life, I am of sound mind, am generally healthy, and also enjoy the challenge of being a parent to many. I gave birth to them with the intention of being the best parent I could possibly be for them, and am super fucking happy the choice to have them, was mine.
I also am not planning on having more. All my pregnancies were very easy, the baby having part went as planned every single time, and I generally enjoyed being pregnant. Except for the last one, Jedi was born at 25 weeks with a multitude of problems leading up to having him and we both almost died. This is not a gamble I would ever take again, and even though I wish I was able to have and care for more kids, my uterus is a bitch and there is nothing I can do about it.

Love, Humble

Dear Humble,
How the fuck you have time to post so much shit?
Sincerely, Da Fuq? Humbler

Dear Da Fuq,
I have no idea actually. I just get on my phone whenever I know what I am going to say and text it out and hit "post" and get on with my day. It usually takes me 3 or 4 minutes to post something. Also when I do write a blog, like this, I have to tell everyone to just not bother me for 20 minutes. I often have to go back to my work and finish it later. One thing I really can't stay on top of, is everyones cool shit that they are doing. So many blog friends and not enough time to read them! Moderating comments on my page is a bit of a headache at times, but lately I have been trusting that everyone is cool and if anything assholish pops up, someone will alert me.
But in a nutshell, I post from my phone as quickly as possible because I got shit to do.
Love, Humble

Dear Humble,
I recently found out I am pregnant and I am so happy. I have children from a previous relationship and this will be mine and my husbands second child together. All of my kids are cared for, they are all wonderful, and I love being a mom. But the remarks I get already about our large family, really bring me down. I am having panic attacks from having to tell people soon, that I am having another baby. Do you get rude remarks too? I have a pretty thick skin, but sometimes it really gets to me. How do you deal with it?
Loving Mama of Many Humbler

Dear Loving Mama,
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS. A baby, whether it be your first, or your 10th, is a whole new exciting venture in your life, and it is hands down THE most romantic shit EVER. Why? Because 2 people loving each other and that love turning into a human being is fucking magical. That's why. I am really glad you asked this. Yes, I do get rude comments. Also, I get the comments where people are thinking of themselves and figure since they can't handle their one child, that you must be the same way and are deluding yourself into thinking there is more than one way to live. I have had people tell me "you need another kid like you need a bullet in your head" to which I just ignore, because I have shit to do and people to please and they aren't one of them. When I got pregnant with Jedi, I knew I could possibly hear the worst responses ever. After you have 4 kids, you pretty much open the gates of fury from the most previously "nice" people ever. And so I just expected it. People gonna run their mouths regardless, BUT I don't want to hear it or see it. I mean, talk shit about my slutty ways and my disregard for your opinions on my life, behind my back like a normal asshole. Don't get all up in my face with it, or I will tell YOU something you don't want to hear, like how apparently the  reverse cowgirl is THE position to try if you want to grow a baby with a penis. (I just made that up...but you get the point) Anywho. My advice is when you tell people, be fucking excited about it. Decent people won't shoot down your excitement with facts about how your family is killing polar bears on account of your larger than average toilet paper use. All these little thoughts about your big ass family and how great it is and how happy your kids are? Don't keep them to yourself. Mean people feed on weakness and lack of confidence. I will be the first person to tell someone how much I love having all my kids sitting in a row on the couch, taking turns reading to each other. How when I set up for breakfast, there are no empty chairs. And how much I love that every night. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I kiss 5 faces. FIVE. And tell them each how much I love them, and that I want to be the first to kiss them in the morning, and they tell me how much they love me, and how they will think of me when they are sleeping and all this other cute shit. Sometimes I honestly can't believe how fucking cool my life is. How lucky am I?! How lucky are you!? SO FUCKING LUCKY.
And frankly, if people can't accept your happiness, they aren't nice people, and you have too many kids to be dealing with that bullshit.

Love, Humble