Ask Humble Anything 2.0 Meatball, Eyeball, And Ovaries

Here is the second half of last weeks questions. Thank you for the questions and as always, feel free to add comments and suggestions.
Let's do this!

Dear Humble,

My coworker is the same age as me, 24. She has been in a relationship with the same guy for 5 almost 6 years, and they have a 2 year old together. She has never cheated, but the past few months has noticed her eye wandering. She is questioning whether or not this is because she wants something different, or maybe because she has been with the same person from such a young age, but she finds herself wondering what it would be like to be with a different man. She has tried discussing this with her boyfriend, but his solution was to spice things up...they are still quite bland. She asked me for advice, but I cannot relate. Ideas on what she should do or why she is feeling this way?
Sincerely, Help!

Dear Help Humbler,

I am glad you asked this, because I think a lot, if not all couples go through this at some point or another when they have been committed to each other for a long ass time. I am no expert, but in order to give my advice I am going to break down the situation bit by bit.
So your friend and her bf have been together for nearly 6 years, they have a 2 year old. So for about 4 years they were child free. Questions to consider...did she feel this way at all pre child? If she didn't, it is reasonable to assume that the dynamic in their relationship has changed and that can be hard on either or both people. I have heard some people say after they had a child that it wasn't what they expected (not the kid but the parenting together part) or that they are burned the fuck out (that was me, I said that) and their burn out in one area is fucking up other areas. Are you following me? No? Lemme splain. Kids change everything. They burn into your soul like the little incubus's that they are and change how you interact with people, what you are able to accomplish, your brain, hell even your ass. And in dealing with these changes we tend to over analyze everything trying to salvage our sense of selves. Now, that is just one little point I wanted to clarify, before we get down to the nitty gritty. Here are the things she needs to ask herself. Big. Questions.
And for the record, I have given other people this same talk, so I am not an expert but people seem to think it is genius.
Relationships are a commitment and they take work. Sometimes you don't have to work at all, you just have to not lose your shit on the other person and tell them they are hot occasionally. Show them how much you care and teach them how to do the same for you. Now, about the wandering eye. People, not even a specific person, just people in general, are going to come into your life and blow your mind. They are going to be smart. They might even be funny. Or just really hot. You are going to be connected to them either with your brain, your sexual desire, or even both. It happens. It happens to everyone. There is just a lot of people in the world, you know? So its just bound to happen. But, this has actually nothing to do with how committed you are to the person you are with. These people that are awesome with a side of awesome, are always going to be there, out in the world, doing their thang. And you can still continue doing yours. Now, what she has to ask herself, is that is she done with her relationship? Does she feel she is ready to move on? Does she not imagine herself with her significant other in a year? 2 years? 3? So forth? Because it really has nothing to do with other people, as much as it does as with her commitment to stay in her relationship. Because people are always going to be there, you are always going to wonder, but the thing that keeps you from actually acting upon it, is your desire to stay in your relationship and achieve your goals with your significant other.
So my advice is to assess how into the relationship she is, if all it is, is that she wonders what it's like, well that doesn't necessarily mean she is done it just means she is human.

Love,
Humble

Dear Humble,
So, my questions is this - How the hell do I handle my sister?? I found out last month that she is dating my ex boyfriend of 2 years.
Normally would not be a big issue, I'd play it off as disgusting and have fun getting porked by my dirty leftovers, but the fact is I have a son (not his) and he was there for 2 years of his life, not to mention the miscarriage. According to my brother's drunken honey badger, they have been dating since February but no one told me until July. Best part, I found out from my brother's best friend at Thursday taco night at your local redneck bar.  I don't want my son to be re-exposed to this short statured asshole, my boyfriend (who we live with and admits he bought the house for me) doesn't want anything to do with them and frankly my life would be a living dream if I never
had to encounter him again. My whoreo of a sister has never spoken a word to me of this besides, I didn't try to hurt your feelings hope your over it -- sent via text message. I'm really good at tuning out certain people and situations..but eventually it will have to be addressed and I'm shit out of luck on a wonderful idea.
Looking for some vast wisdom from you!
Sincerely,
Sisters Can Be Shitsters

Dear Shitsters,
I think your best bet is not dealing with this at all. Be polite to your sister, accept the relationship, because she is your sister and ovaries before brovaries and all that jazz. But you don't have to support it. Her being your sister is separate from her being with him. Keep it that way. Let her know you don't want your son around him, and in explaining it to her keep it simple. "Don't want him around (son's name here) because it brings up bad memories" No further explanation necessary. She wants to act like it is a big ass secret, let her. Not your life. But when he shits on her do your best to refrain from saying "Told you that dick is cray" Because she will already know. And who knows, maybe this is the start of a beautiful relationship and he won't be an asshole to her. And if he is, lace up your shit kickers.
Love,
Humble

Dear Humble,

I'm relatively new to your Humbleness but I'm drunk as shizzle and I have a
ton of junk on my mind so I will ask the advice of Miss Humble on this
"relationshit" (as you so succinctly put it) problem I have been having. My bf is a total chauvinist pig and a complete asshead 99.9% of the time. He and I have been together for almost 4 years and for awhile he was on to me about not making enough money (I bartend for $3 an hour and he is a semi driver) I understood where he was coming from so I volunteered for super mega extra hours. Now I'm making ok-ish money and his ranting and raving has turned in a completely different direction. He now rips me day and night about the sex side of the relationship. Now, I can sort of see his point of view but the problem comes in when I realize that every single night when I get home from work, he is sitting in our living room with 3-5 other guys screaming sports or passed out drunk on the couch. I can't change the bedroom portion of our relationship if there's never a chance for me to go for it. No matter how many times I tell him it doesn't make sense to hold it against me when he doesn't make time for "us", it makes no difference. It almost feels to me like he is pushing problems in to put an end to our relationship but it could also be because I'm little miss paranoid. An outside opinion would help me out quite a bit!Sincerely,
Pushed

Dear Pushed,
I am assuming you are intelligent. And that you want to be in this relationship, since you wrote me the question, people that don't care, don't ask. So it is with that understanding that I am going to ask if you have talked to him about this. Have you made an effort to alert him of a cozy afternoon that you had planned for just you two and that his friends are not invited? Also, what has HE done to make an effort? Has he just said he would like to do it more, or has he actually tried. Because you my friend are not a fucking suggestion box. If he hasn't made an effort, and has not responded to your efforts, then wtf. WHAT THE FUCK. If you feel like he is just up problems and he is not working towards the solution then he is exactly what you think he is, a d bag.
Now, if you love him, and he honestly loves you, then GREAT! But love ain't enough. If you are willing to work for it, he has to be too. If he is not, then he is not. Can't mold a man out of a meatball. Best of luck to you! xo
Love,
Humble

Ask Humble Anything: Questions about Humble 1.0

It is that time again! Kids are back in school which means I have time to devote to Ask Humble Anything... AHA is a weekly feature that I had originally  started on my Facebook page, where people could ask me any sort of question (relationship/shit advice, general life questions, parenting advice, more info about myself, and basically giving my opinion on anything) and I would answer it in an honest fashion, to the best of my abilities, and invite others to comment and so forth. Since my page is bigger now, and Facebook is Facebook and won't let my posts be as visible as I would like, I am changing it up and answering questions here on my blog. You are still invited to comment with your opinions (which I moderate because I am wary of asshole trolls) and as always, everything is confidential.
Also please recognize that these are my opinions and I am not an expert on anything, but if I googilize and find answers elsewhere I will let you know where I got the info from. Other than that, I cannot be held responsible for damaging your self esteem, relationships, children or crotches. Be smart and think for yourself, and take every opinion you see with a grain of salt because frankly, "Bitch, I don't know yo life!"

Questions about Humble

The first few questions I received were about me. People always want to know more, which I understand because people may not be all up on Facebook every single day and may miss minor details so how fucking happy am I to have these questions answered once and for all on my blog?
Yea right.
Someone will ask me these things again which I am now a-ok with because I have this here post to direct them to.

Dear Humble,
You have 5 kids and you are 27... is there twins somewhere in the family?
Are you Mormon or Catholic? Why do you not use birth control? Are you planning on having more?

Sincerely, Nosy Ass but Very Nice Humblers

Dear Nosy Ass Humblers,
My kids are mentioned on my page and my blog frequently, I do not use their real names because I don't even use my real name. I am not a character writer by any means, but I wanted to keep some things private.
Anywho... Eldest (girl) is 11 almost 12, Sprite (girl) is 9 almost 10, Han (boy) is 7, Moo (girl) is 5, and Jedi (boy) is 1. So in saying that, nope, no twins. I really did have them all one at a time. I am not Mormon, Catholic, Christian, or anything. I do use birth control. And I am also pro choice. Which means I had my kids not just because I happened to get pregnant. But because I wanted them in my life, I am of sound mind, am generally healthy, and also enjoy the challenge of being a parent to many. I gave birth to them with the intention of being the best parent I could possibly be for them, and am super fucking happy the choice to have them, was mine.
I also am not planning on having more. All my pregnancies were very easy, the baby having part went as planned every single time, and I generally enjoyed being pregnant. Except for the last one, Jedi was born at 25 weeks with a multitude of problems leading up to having him and we both almost died. This is not a gamble I would ever take again, and even though I wish I was able to have and care for more kids, my uterus is a bitch and there is nothing I can do about it.

Love, Humble

Dear Humble,
How the fuck you have time to post so much shit?
Sincerely, Da Fuq? Humbler

Dear Da Fuq,
I have no idea actually. I just get on my phone whenever I know what I am going to say and text it out and hit "post" and get on with my day. It usually takes me 3 or 4 minutes to post something. Also when I do write a blog, like this, I have to tell everyone to just not bother me for 20 minutes. I often have to go back to my work and finish it later. One thing I really can't stay on top of, is everyones cool shit that they are doing. So many blog friends and not enough time to read them! Moderating comments on my page is a bit of a headache at times, but lately I have been trusting that everyone is cool and if anything assholish pops up, someone will alert me.
But in a nutshell, I post from my phone as quickly as possible because I got shit to do.
Love, Humble

Dear Humble,
I recently found out I am pregnant and I am so happy. I have children from a previous relationship and this will be mine and my husbands second child together. All of my kids are cared for, they are all wonderful, and I love being a mom. But the remarks I get already about our large family, really bring me down. I am having panic attacks from having to tell people soon, that I am having another baby. Do you get rude remarks too? I have a pretty thick skin, but sometimes it really gets to me. How do you deal with it?
Sincerely,
Loving Mama of Many Humbler

Dear Loving Mama,
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS. A baby, whether it be your first, or your 10th, is a whole new exciting venture in your life, and it is hands down THE most romantic shit EVER. Why? Because 2 people loving each other and that love turning into a human being is fucking magical. That's why. I am really glad you asked this. Yes, I do get rude comments. Also, I get the comments where people are thinking of themselves and figure since they can't handle their one child, that you must be the same way and are deluding yourself into thinking there is more than one way to live. I have had people tell me "you need another kid like you need a bullet in your head" to which I just ignore, because I have shit to do and people to please and they aren't one of them. When I got pregnant with Jedi, I knew I could possibly hear the worst responses ever. After you have 4 kids, you pretty much open the gates of fury from the most previously "nice" people ever. And so I just expected it. People gonna run their mouths regardless, BUT I don't want to hear it or see it. I mean, talk shit about my slutty ways and my disregard for your opinions on my life, behind my back like a normal asshole. Don't get all up in my face with it, or I will tell YOU something you don't want to hear, like how apparently the  reverse cowgirl is THE position to try if you want to grow a baby with a penis. (I just made that up...but you get the point) Anywho. My advice is when you tell people, be fucking excited about it. Decent people won't shoot down your excitement with facts about how your family is killing polar bears on account of your larger than average toilet paper use. All these little thoughts about your big ass family and how great it is and how happy your kids are? Don't keep them to yourself. Mean people feed on weakness and lack of confidence. I will be the first person to tell someone how much I love having all my kids sitting in a row on the couch, taking turns reading to each other. How when I set up for breakfast, there are no empty chairs. And how much I love that every night. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I kiss 5 faces. FIVE. And tell them each how much I love them, and that I want to be the first to kiss them in the morning, and they tell me how much they love me, and how they will think of me when they are sleeping and all this other cute shit. Sometimes I honestly can't believe how fucking cool my life is. How lucky am I?! How lucky are you!? SO FUCKING LUCKY.
And frankly, if people can't accept your happiness, they aren't nice people, and you have too many kids to be dealing with that bullshit.

Congratulations!!
Love, Humble